Loosing a loved one is hard, we all deal with it in our own way. I am writing this not to say goodbye to my Pa but to remember him in my own way and acknowledge the important role he plays in my life.
Thursday I lost my Pa to cancer. It was only Wednesday that I found out he only had a few days left. We thought we had more than one night.
I live at the top of Australia and he lived at the bottom, as I knew I didn’t have long I started trying to organise for me and my daughter, his great grandchild, that he had never met, to get to him, to have a chance to see him and for us all to say goodbye.
I know that he had already made his peace here and was ready to move on to the next stage in life. He did not want people making a fuss
The grandchildren were asked to write something that they remember about pa, to be condensed, to be read out at the funeral. A collection of memories, the problem being that my memories from when I was younger is just flashes and feelings, piecing together memories from when I was younger, I struggle with.
I guess my favorite memory of pa is just being with him.
I found it hard to come up with just one memory of pa. I have a huge collection of memories and tiny moments, so the only thing that I felt covered all my memories, was the feelings that I get from any thought or memory of my pa that I have, it is not something that I can easily describe either, it is just a wonderful glowing feeling that I feel, that I will always have whenever I think of him. That will continue to live on in me the way that I am sure he will live on in others. We all have these wonderful feelings with our memories and no one can describe how he makes you truly feel, but that is what we will all have, forever, when we think about pa. Even when the memory of an event fades we will still have our strong and powerful feelings. You live forever in us pa and we love you.
Pa did not want anyone at the funeral to wear black we had to wear colour he also said no one was to be sad. He was told that that was not possible though. He also (in true pa fashion) did not want people making a fuss he just wanted to “put me in a box and put me in the ground”
I did not attend the funeral today but remembered him in my own special way. I coloured my hair back to blond so that I could fill it with colour.
I also sat at the wharf here in cairns, where shortly AJ and I will be getting married, I knew he would love it here. I read my dad’s words that he was going to be saying at the funeral, I wandered around and remembered my Pa all while taking in the boats crusing by just thinking about being in Lakes Entrance, staying at Nanna and pas and just hanging out with pa in his shed.
I hope that I continue to make him proud.
My dad looks exactly like pa that I see him and remember him whenever I look at dad, even though my children did not get to spend much time with their great pa he still holds a special place in their heart and they can see him in their mum and pa along with the memories that we hold and can share with them..
Pa and baby Leila
The two biggest parenting lessons I learned that I feel are the only ones that are truly important, I learnt from him. We can all aspire to be as good of a parent, person or grandparent that he was, it can be a hard thing to live up to being as he was so loving, authentic and genuine
His two rules of parenting
1. If you promise something to your child stick to it, never make faulse promises. If you say that you will buy that treat after you leave that shop, BUY IT. If you say that you are going to take away a toy for a week because they have misbehaved then you have to DO IT. And,
2. If they ask for a hug give them a hug!!
These are two things that have stuck with me and I aim every day to follow through with, with my own children.
I can see him being proud of the many of us he has touched in his life..
No matter what I will always remember you and miss you. Till next time pa, I Love You! OXOX
Funerals, personally for me, is not a chance for me to say goodbye, maybe others but not me. I don’t feel you have to be at a funeral to say goodbye, you go where you need to feel that you can say goodbye, to that particular person be that somewhere you have spent time together, something that reminds you of them or anywhere else that feels fitting for you.
My biggest thing is that I feel You can’t say goodbye to someone who has already gone just by being at a funeral. You can make peace and say goodbye in you own way. But to say goodbye I feel like I need to actually see the person to say goodbye. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to, I tried to get to see him before he left but did not make it. I know that it can’t be helped and he was very ready to go, he had had enough and just wanted it to be over, he is no longer in pain and he doesn’t like people making a fuss. So I have made my peace with that. It is what he wanted and he is still with us all in many other ways.
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